Betrayal, Boundaries, and the Choice to Love Well

Greatest lessons come from failure. Don’t be afraid to fail.

The beginning of the year was quite underwhelming for me. The new year is always an exciting time to set new resolutions and goals. However, I found myself desperately crying to God for His intervention in a very painful situation. And in God’s true nature of being faithful, He came through. Not in the way I expected, but, He came through. 

So here’s the thing…

Oftentimes, God answers our prayers, but not in the way we expect. Sometimes the answer is not found in something happening, but the answer could be found in our obedience. For me, the answered prayer was to set boundaries with people who were wreaking havoc in my life. 

Here’s what happened. I trusted a very close family member with personal information, only for them to use the information against me. I won’t go into too much detail to protect their identity, but the betrayal cut deeply. This was the last thing I expected from them. Betrayal has a way of breaking the heart into a million different pieces, and in that moment, I realized that loving people does not mean allowing them unlimited access to wound you.

Boundaries Were Easy Until They Weren’t!

I have always known about boundaries, but I didn’t think much of them or even act on them too seriously. Boundaries with strangers came quite easily. However, the exception came with family and friends. My boundaries with family and friends were often little to non-existent. I simply didn’t see the need to enforce them and would often compromise the boundaries I set.

Little did I know that boundaries are a Biblical principle. There are so many instances where boundaries are enforced for our own good and also as an example for us.

God, as a Holy Father, has boundaries on who can approach him. Psalms 24:3-4 show the kind of people who can approach God. Those who have clean hands and pure hands and don’t worship idols. This is the boundary that God has set as a Holy Father, and we have to approach him in the right way.
Jesus set the example for us with the boundaries He had with his followers and disciples. Very often, He would take only His close disciples, Peter, James, and John with him to pray. Luke 9:28-29, Matthew 26:37-38, When he was most vulnerable, he opened up to his 3 closet friends. Learning this truth has been freeing and life changing for me as someone who has struggled with setting and enforcing boundaries, especially with friends and family.

Luke 9 28 Now it came to pass, about eight days after these sayings, that He took Peter, John, and James and went up on the mountain to pray. 29 As He prayed, the appearance of His face was altered, and His robe became white and glistening.

We can’t control what people do or how their actions end up affecting us. But, we have a choice over how we respond. As any human, I did not take the betrayal quite well. The normal reaction is always to cry, complain, and play the victim card. But the Holy Spirit reminded me that Jesus endured this same betrayal just before He died. 

How Do We Respond?

I realized boundaries are healthy and necessary to protect you from the snares in this world. In Proverbs 4:23, the Bible clearly emphasizes the importance of guarding your heart, for out of it spring the issues of life. What does this mean? Boundaries protect you from people or situations that will leave you angry, bitter, resentful, unforgiveness and offended. If these snares find room in your heart, you run the risk of falling into sin, temptation, and ultimately poisoning your heart.

The antidote to dealing with betrayal is always LOVE. Mark 12:30-31, we are to love everyone, but not everyone should have access to us if they are likely to lead us to sin, and also tamper with the peace and joy that Jesus gives us. When faced with betrayal, disappointment, and hurt, we are to run to the Father with all the pain, leave the pain at his feet, and rise with Love. 

To bring everything together, God may not have answered the way I thought He would, but it was the answer I needed that moment.

At some point in life, we will all have to deal with disappointment and betrayal due to other people’s actions. How we choose to react in these moments continues to shape us and mould us into the image of Christ. My prayer is that when you find yourself in moments like these, you will lean on Jesus to strengthen you to rise above the pain with love and still experience His peace that surpasses all understanding.

As always, thank you so much for making it this far. Can I ask you for a favor? If this message spoke to you, please share it with someone who needs to read it. If you feel led, leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you and will make sure to respond.

Till next time, and God bless you.